I think we can all agree that 2020 was a pretty brutal year in many ways, especially for mental health. I’ve had a decent amount of highs and lows in my life, but not like the depression I’ve experienced in the past several months.

This experience has been so different than just being sad. I started to feel like the color was drained out of life. All of the things I normally enjoyed lost their luster. I felt so overwhelmed and hopeless, especially about everything going on in the world. There were days when it was hard to get out of pajamas, take a shower, or even function in any normal way to be honest.

And nothing was helping.

I started doing daily guided meditations on YouTube, doing Pilates to move my body, maintaining a healthy eating regime. And still, darkness. I couldn’t find the upbeat, optimistic version of myself anymore. 

I had an appointment with my primary care physician at The Christ Hospital Physicians and discussed how I had been feeling. Since I was already doing the things I could do on my own—meditating, exercising, and healthy eating—we decided the best course of action was to try medication.

I started taking an antidepressant almost three months ago, and the clouds are finally clearing. Is it a cure-all? No. Do I still have bad days? Yes.

But I feel more like me, and really that’s all I want. I don’t want to not feel crushed or overwhelmed by everything that has been thrown our way since last March. I want to have life feel more colorful again, and to enjoy the small things, like a walk in the sunshine or a morning cup of coffee.

I’ve also had the realization that it’s important to ask for help. For most of my life, I feel like I’ve tried to solve my own problems, and I have a hard time admitting that I need help. But there is absolutely zero shame in asking for help, especially when it comes to mental health.

Depression is something that’s not easily solved alone. I’m incredibly grateful for all the amazing doctors who are here to help—and who want to help—at The Christ Hospital Physicians.

If you’re questioning your mental health—including feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or joyless—I urge you to please talk to your doctor. It’s not a battle you need to fight alone, and there’s no shame in admitting that you need help.

If you’d like to hear more on this topic, please check out this podcast I did with Monica Sullivan, MD, a primary care provider with The Christ Hospital Physicians. It covers taking care of your mental health, and when it may be a good time to talk to your doctor.

Schedule an appointment online with a primary care provider near you.